AJ

Stuff About Some Women I still Don’t Understand..

Things about some women I still don’t understand…..

  • How they manage to go from hag to wag in twenty short minutes on bus 23: Each day I get on the bus, I am treated to a minor miracle. The ladies – and they are the same ‘offenders’ in the main – unfailingly whip out their boxes and mirrors and get to work. Within the space of a short bus ride, the transformation is complete. Several brushes, colours and peeks in the mirror later, they are virtually unrecognizable. Just why that couldn’t be achieved at home before hopping on the bus beats me hollow though.
  • Why odd coloured shoes make it into the aso-ebi list: Last April, I was hounded well nigh to death by purple shoes. Thing was a good friend of mine had to keep up appearances attend some function  – the specifics of which escape me. The clothes were done and dusted – only problem was that purple shoes were required. It just so happened that purple shoes were out of stock in all the shops she knew to check, and yours truly was called upon to devise a solution. Needless to say I failed woefully – not through lack of effort  as I even went the distance of setting up a conference call just for them shoes – but due to the sheer absurdity of the choice of colour. My theory is that the first women who had aso-ebi’s had major shares in a shoe manufacturer and chose odd colours so that the shoes could not be re-used thereby guaranteeing increased revenues!
  • Why some people think lime-green eyeliner works on their ebony-black face: Whilst quickly looking through lounging on   amebobook the other day, I stumbled on a picture of some random chic with lime-green eyeliner. You know how a friend of a friend comments on a picture and amebobook somehow manages to put them onto your news feed in all their gory glory – that was it. Granted it was in the spirit of the Nigerian Independence celebrations, and people had to pretend to be patriotic by wearing green-ish stuff, but surely there were mirrors at home… and in the rare event of there not being mirrors, friends and family could have alerted said chic to the incongruity of the eye-liner?
  • How they manage to still feign surprise over stuff they knew would happen anyways: The ladies at MO Corp have banded themselves into some sort of fraternity. Ladies-only lunches, baby club discussions (at my desk no less), and the ‘official’ baby shower for the pregged ladies on their last day of work. Its all well and good to have baby showers – great pizza, us blokes get to leave a wee bit early on a Friday and all, but I never can quite get over the false sense of surprise them ladies seem to muster. I mean, its standard practice that you’ll get a baby shower. Expect it, and spare us the excessive oohs ahhhs, and the drama! arghhh…
  • Why you wear ‘six’ inch heels to church and then take them off midway through the service: I am an ‘apostle’ of functionality which is why them ladies who wear six inch heels and then take them off midway leave me worried. Surely, the shoes can’t be so uncomfortable that they can’t stay on for two and a half hours only?
  • Why you manage to tear up ever so freely in church: Every time I get the misfortune of being sat next to a particular young lady in church, I groan inwardly. Problem is not that she’s got a massive dose of BO, but that she manages to contort her face in so many twists and turns that I’m left wondering if I am safe. 90% of the time, she’ll cry during the worship – often times that is the precise moment I am discreetly reviewing my twitter timeline, an indicator of just how bored with the whole experience I am. It really is just the worship right?I have a sneaky feeling, that it might be more than just the worship, perhaps she is remembering what Bro Okon did the night before…

Sigh…

PS: No hard feelings.. To the friends I have called out.. I owe each of you a purple shoe…. In the year 2150.. 🙂

Posted in PersonalTagged , 37 Comments

37 thoughts on “Stuff About Some Women I still Don’t Understand..”

  1. LOL…

    It's a time-saving device for ladies to do their make-up on the bus/train on the way to work, rather than at home…

    As for the baby shower surprise…I don't necessarily think the ladies are surprised at the shower, but rather at the gifts received…

    And the lady who tears up during the worship? hmmm…don't know how to respond to that one cos many a time, I cry during worship sessions too…I guess one gets emotionally overwhelmed, especially when those songs remind you of God's goodness/faithfulness/mercy/unfailing love, etc. and you begin to wonder how such a good and holy God could apparently love you so…

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  3. Buhahahaha that's all i'm saying.

    Okay maybe not! Twitter timeline during service okay i'm laughing again.

    P.s: Maybe you should ask her one Sunday why she is indeed crying, i'm puzzled!

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    1. What is it they say about the spirit and the flesh? Oh well, no be my fault o… Err, what brings you hither though? Shall we yet 'see' more of you? 🙂 Being an age!

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  5. Oh really! shoes have made it to the Aso-ebi list? Where have I been?!
    Lol @ the lady that tears up. Can she help it if she is touched by the Lord every sunday?

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  6. LOL so u could only come up with only 6…. *smh*
    newayz u kno u cant do without us; u kno na 🙂

    waiting for my shoe o, n i prefer 'disco blue' *fingers crossed*

    *e don tey!

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  7. lol! Don't ever try to understand it…cos you just can't…just accept all these as some of the "wonders" of the world….smh…bruv somethings are just not logical…just fi le!leave it like that!

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  8. lol…

    Okay, I was with you until you had to go and blast the purple shoe. Jizzzoooo a purple pump could be HOTness if rocked with appropriate gear and yes, lime green eyeliner!! Not that I've actually been caught in that illustrious ensemble :)…..

    I feel your pain re: BO but reviewing/updating twitter in church???!!! That's just str8 gangstaa…lol. How can I be like you man? Do you offer lessons?

    Perhaps, the cries are just to get your attention?!! Maybe there's something she wants to tell you. Throw her a bone man!!! Next time she cries, just reach over and give her a nice BIG 15-second hug while discreetly spraying smellgood stuff in her direction 🙂

    ….And they lived happily ever after.

    ktothez

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      1. oh but it is…

        on the real nothing wrong with crying when your moved/or touched by service. maybe she's just going through a lot in life.

        Purple is actually my fav color too…and the purple shoe can be done very tastefully 🙂

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  9. Applying make-up on the go is a must-have skill for any busy girl. I had to learn it when I was commuting long-distance. Although my own transformation was more like: from sleepy housewife to professional accountant….

    As for the rest of your points – lol

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  11. Arent you so funny…that is why they say men are from mars and women are from venus…

    Please dont find my trouble oh, purple is my fav colour…during my wedding, all the ladies on the train wore purple shoes.

    And I cry during worship – when you connect, when you meditate on the goodness and love of God, as a woman, you cant help but shed the tears.

    One day, you will understand…in fact, be prepared!!!

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    1. haha.. i guess…… purple is your favourite colour…. cools..

      I'm truly looking forward to experience the crying thingy though…

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  13. *sigh* U've been missed o! On here and on twitter 😦

    Lwkmd! Abeg free us women alone jo. I guess purple was the color during that period…everybody is trying to breakout from the norm by using bold colord..lol..wat can I say?

    I dnt like putting on make-up in public;but its time saving for sme ppl…pls dey dnt hve to sweat the powder off from walking/running to try and catch the bus or the train. They want it looking fresh on arrival 🙂

    As for worship well there are times when the song jst hits u and breaks dwn all the strong/independent/I can handle it all wall we put up…or maybe our tear glands are just on overdrive sha…again wat can i say…lol

    Good to have u back!!!!

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    1. haha… noice attempt.. I still don't buy it, re the purple shoe thingy….. I've been following you on twirra jor… U just didn't follow back…. 🙂

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  14. Dude, stop moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    They are surprised over the gifts, not the baby shower itself. Also purple shoes can only be bought in the run up to Christmas, after that good luck to you finding a decent pair. PS You can't talk about make up on public transport, it's a time saving measure. We are being efficient!

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    1. hmmp.. so not true.. they always get gift cards from mothercare…. and loads of pictures…..

      err.. this is the last move.. iPromise…

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  15. There's a perfectlty good explanation for every item on your list. I would go into them but I worry you may not understand that either.

    but I have been looking for the perfect pair of purple shoes for aeons now. Maybe I'll wait till 2150…

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    1. haha.. i'm sure there is a perfect explanation.. just that i'm too 'thick' to understand… 2150…. i'm all for that…

      PS: What is it about purple though.. arghhh…

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  16. Lol.
    On the lime-green eyeliner, it was in the spirit of independence, so I suppose that can be pardoned.

    Just once..
    As the celebrations have long cooled over, any mere sighting, best believe the firing squad will be well on their way. 🙂

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  18. Makeup (Options) is a beautiful thing…

    LOL @ the Eyeliner…the fact that you even noticed the colour, means she achieved what she was going for..men-folk attention!

    I cry in church often.. *note to self do not go to church with this dude* hehe

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