Facebook Fail

I woke up to five missed calls on my phone. I had felt, rather than heard its insistent buzz deep within lalaland but sheer tiredness had kept me from waking up. Instead, the phone’s chirpy ringtone somehow ended up blending itself in with the background to some weird dream I promptly forgot on waking.

Of the five missed calls, three were from my mother, one from my father’s phone and one from a private number. This has more or less become her standard M.O. – when she feels I am intentionally refusing to answer her phone calls that is. That she’d called five times suggested it was important, so I groaned inwardly, punched in the numbers for my calling card and made the phone call to Nigeria.

The full repertoire of grunted, fairly redundant greetings done, she proceeded to the core of the reason why she’d called.

“So ‘Seni, I hear you young people now find wives on facebook”

“Mummy”, I reply in best son voice, “where did you hear that from? Facebook is just a website for staying in touch with old friends”

“That’s not what I heard” she replies before she launches into a ten minute tale. Some distant friend of the family, who I had met two or three times at most, who is now retired had scrapped his savings together and sent his son abroad to study at one of my former Universities. Post graduation, he’d found a job in London and was doing quite well by all accounts until he found a wife “off Facebook” my mother insists and got married to her.

A year later, he’d lost his job, it turned out she had been a fraud of sorts (she’d lied about where she worked amongst all other things), and he was back in Nigeria trying to find a job. Somewhere in between talk of having visited some medicine man in an attempt to suss out the cause of his misfortune and all the other ‘spiritual’ sleuthing a traditional Nigerian does..

My mother’s point – important enough for her to try to call me five times in quick succession – was that one wrong move such as finding a wife off face was dangerous. And I needed to be warned/ have my ear pulled to remind me… When it had all wrapped up and the telephone conversation had ended. I sighed and returned to whatever remnants of sleep I could eke out.

It was only 8.30am

‘Rethinking’ Social Networks….

Perhaps, this is definitive proof that Social Networks like  Facebook and Twitter can be good for you after all. First one bloke has his alibi corroborated by a Facebook timestamp (possibly saving him from up to 25 years in jail), then an attempted suicide was averted and  Freddy Adu is finding life on the bench less stressful thanks to support from his peers via Twitter.

What say you? What is the most unconventional use you have put Social Networks to?

Feeling Cool …… On FaceBook!

Its been a sloooow Friday at mine.. So I spent a huge chunk of it on Facebook…. Enjoy a few of the more esoteric status updates I saw this week.

  • “The Law of divine BS” – Given two prospects of similar abilities, the rate of change of opportunities to perform with time is directly proportional to the amount of dust yarned and the amount of dross promised! i.e “Open eye” creates opportunities…JS (Before nko, its all about the agbari!)
  • Light travels faster than sound, that is why some people appear  bright until you hear them speak – OO (Appearances will always open doors, it behooves the smart person to ensure the content matches the appearance)
  • Survivorship bias: We see the winners and “learn” from them, while forgetting the huge unseen cemetery of losers – FOI (Truly, First is everything, the rest is nothing)
  • You can travel across the world,meet the nicest people and enjoy the greatest moments of life in a tiny yet essential ship called friendSHIP. – RE (You can tell from the mushyness that this is feminine….Valid point though)
  • *Apart, we dominate; Together, we orchestrate* – DJ (Isn’t it immediately obvious that this dude is the life of the party?)
  • Walls are meant to shut people out, but they also shut you in – HA (This one newly marry, its allowed!)
  • A simple smile will do so much..don’t leave home without it – ENO (Another one of the fairly newly wedded peeps, valid point though)
  • One  more ” I will always love you” line from his black lips and I honestly will shoot someone! Tutututubararaaraaraara…. PO  (Wo.. If you shoot all the people saying they luff you, who will remain?)
  • Why has the price of pure water stayed at N5 for over 10 years while inflation, currency rates and other costs have gone up? Any thoughts, analysis or suggestions? (FDI) (This one has an MBA from one of the top schools in Europe but is roasting behind a desk in Nigeria, this is just to demonstrate that he still has business insight!)
  • My prayer for you all is that there would be a transformation that would take each of you to a subspace that is invariant to exogenous perturbations. (AAA) (Surely, I do not sound like this… This one is a prospective Vibrations PhD!)