On Lists

Lists appear to have suddenly become the leitmotif of the few blogs I read. From Don Miller sharing his fiancee’s list to Esco imagining the All Nigerian Girl, to AnyaPosh, Miss Enigma, Sting and all the lasses doing that 30 day blogging thing, everyone appears to be sharing bits and pieces of lists.

When I was much younger I was a big fan of lists  – on everything from five year goals and plans, gadgets to buy to what I wanted in a spouse – complete with excel spreadsheets which calculated weighted averages across the various categories. The one thing I didn’t bargain for was that it would become a mechanistic check-the-box-or-check-out exercise – that happened – nor did I question the basis on which the items were identified, or  if indeed I was at a time and place where I could expect those qualities from others.

Carolyn McCulley in her 2006 article at Boundless posits a middle ground – having faith for the man (woman) he (she) will become. For the possessor of the list, this involves making a distinction between what are absolute must-haves from day zero, and what can be subtly influenced over the course of the relationship. For the one who has been handed such a list, it can serve as a deserved kick up the backside to wake up from the years of lethargy and to begin taking tangible steps to grow and mature as an individual. The flip side though is that it can feel like one is being measured against an impossible standard, creating pressure to conform, or to just call it quits and move on. Balance then is key.

On a less self absorbed note though, I shall be trawling all these blogs and more with my pen and paper, taking notes and keeping my eyes open for that All Nigerian Girl. Hopefully, I can finally find out what women want