Or an apology for all the nights you worry about me…..
One of my mother’s slightly more compelling arguments against the notion of – in her words – entrenched singleness is the false simplicity that being single and responsible for only oneself brings. Over the past ten years I have learnt to do my things, my way and in my time – considering the consequences only as they impact me. That has been useful when I have had to make potentially life changing decisions – like quitting my day job at a fairly well known engineering firm to head back to full time study in 2008 or loaning a friend a hefty pile of money (which he is vacillating on paying back by the way). Mother is wrong on one count – my being single isn’t the only cause; there is after all my natural proclivity to be a loner of sorts. Perpetually plugged into my iPod, having my nose stuck in books, emailing and SMSing friends instead of calling have all contributed to my increasingly tenuous connections with the real world. Living alone for all those years hasn’t helped either.
As I have grown older, I am realising there are disadvantages to the me-and-me-alone worldview. The simplicity in decision making engendered by such a world view is a beguiling tempter. It becomes easier and easier to do stuff and damn the consequences when a more robust solution might be had by building consensus with knowledgeable others. A further consequence is the potential for others getting worried when phone calls go unanswered and emails go unreplied.
These days, I’m trying to unlearn solitude.. So for all the times I fail to answer the phone, and I have you fretting all night wondering if I am all right…. I apologize.. I am still unlearning solitude..