The Idiot’s guide to…… Looking busy!

When you bill per the hour, looking busy is of paramount importance… The criticality of this black art is never more obvious than when you sit in full view of the Oga and can ill afford to be found playing solitaire, surfing the internet mindlessly, blogging, or God help you – being nabbed on ogling the goodies on offer on Page 3. Below are the top tips I have gleaned from the best – trust me I’ve learned from the very best – a stellar cast of international pedigree..

  • Grab a cup of coffee every twenty minutes – nothing gives the impression that you are seriously at work than a steaming cup of coffee.. And that knotted brow that seems to convey intense concentration.
  • Have multiple spreadsheets open complete with loads of exotic graphs and illegible legends – as long as the boss doesn’t get too intrigued by the data, you’ll be fine.
  • Stop at the intern’s desk a few times: It helps that it feels like summer, it’s a Friday and the average distance between her neckline and her hemline is tending to zero… Being seen around the intern adds credibility to your mentoring credentials.. Plus its a lot less risky than being c aught on Page 3..
  • Occasionally lean back in your chair , place your hands around your neck and pretend to crack a thorny problem – insert some muttering too – it’s an occupational hazard for the thinking man and adds to the aura of intensity around you.
  • Get on the phone to a client – pick the bloke you know is an absolute laze-r and engage in some serious discussion. Speak in hushed tones though and appear to be fine-tuning a strategy together. No one (aside of snooping IT smart alecs) will know that the discussion was centred around what  club to hit at 5.30pm.
  • The ultimate joker? Talk to the boss – chances are that he was on a game of solitaire also….

Spare me some nostalgia…

I think things tend to look either worse off or better off in retrospect.. There must be a technical term for that – like nostalgia bias, or retrospection bias or warreva… (Help me out one of you psychologists)… Bottom line is i think when we look back at the past, we either think its much better than it actually was, or much worse…. I just had such a moment.. Thankfully, Me the pragmatist won – eventually….. Blame insomnia, the wacky DJ over at Capital FM, and nostalgia….

Seventh Time around.

They say a righteous man falls seven times but rises up again. I don’t know about being righteous, but I sure have had falls, hopefully this is the seventh, in which I finally get to find me. The pieces of the life are coming together again, I’ve resolved my long standing ‘fight’ with my sister, I got great feedback on my first three months in a new role, I’ve made two great friends in my new city and I’ve started running thrice a week 🙂 I have a lot to be thankful for, this is a new journey (hopefully). Welcome aboard.

30 is the real cool…..

 

Despite what the preponderance of mid-life crises and suicides around the 30 year age bracket would suggest, 30’s the new cool – and that for a variety of reasons.

  • For starters, people take you serious by default. In your teens they know you’ll faff around, in your twenties they’ll assume you’re growing and the occasional gaffe can be excused. In your 30’s they actually believe you know what you are about until you goof. Ain’t that uber-cool?
  • You get pimped for free.  Depending on how far gone you are on the continuum, every one want to match make you. The best friend from University wants to hook you up with a niece, your cousins want to hitch you with friends and all that ish. Downside is it generally tends to rub you the wrong way – but hey who cares? They’re concerned.. That’s why!
  • All the unmarried chics from earlier on for whom you had crushes suddenly see you as a serious option especially if you have made good on the success  your geekery promised as a precocious teenager. Chances are you’re so clueless around women that you do not have a baby mama in the background, which seems to be a huge plus these days..
  • Chances are you have a strand of gray hair here and there – and true to type if you wear glasses, you actually look cool (gasp). You, the sore-thumb-sticking-out-almost-worwor-bloke, suddenly has the desirable features of respectability.
  • Last but not the least, you actually have ten more years to play the fool – after all a fool at forty is a fool forever, but not before 🙂

Dodgy TV Adverts..

You know you need help –  from mindlessly watching TV – when TV ads start getting to you. In my defense, these two have to be up there with the worst ads I’ve ever seen! Enjoy..

I guess they work by catching one’s attention, even if only by irritating one..

An epilogue of sorts……

I have begun dreaming of things best left unsaid, things best left to gently slide into oblivion far beyond the edge of consciousness. Here there are voices, and fleeting faces, floating by as though swimming in some nebulous unseen ether. I would blame malaria or the slew of unknown brews at Dame Hayatou’s, but these are things I have seen in the flesh –  less the twisting, less the turning in the dead of night and the turmoil that brings them back to mind. These are the memories of a not so distant past, of what-ifs and maybes and could-haves blatantly refusing to accept the cold hard facts..

She says the world is neither black nor white but sketched in different shades of gray, I think it is etched in black and white and filled in with different shades of gray.

Word for word,
we beat the love
out of each other.

Yusef Komunyakaa (Once the dream begins)

There will yet be more words…..

Yay..

The first quarter performance review was short and sweet – I think… The recovery is under way.. Now we need to secure it… (as Gordon Brown likes to put it)