A haiku for unrequited love

Wanting more I pined.
Though I knew t’was all in vain,
I did not give up.

Loving you I hoped,
Someday you would see my plight.
That has never been.

Spitting words, I wished
My missives would arrive in peace.
But they never did.

You said to leave us
As we were. Just friends. No strings
That would never be

Forgive me if I’m
Recalcitrant, hard to shake,
I am flesh and blood.

On six pack abs, and my all new 6-week mega program!

I never had a six pack. Even at the height of  my athletic prowess, back in the day when I was the starting defensive midfielder a la Dietmar Hamman for my departmental soccer team (hey, only for two games, but I was first choice!), I still had that tell- tale bele – the ineluctable consequence of blasting moles of eba at Mama Clara’s Buka 12. Way back then, it was still possible to grab three wraps of eba, and a ring of fish with a mixture of egusi and ogbono soups for all of twenty naira. And us kpakorized Engineering boys duly worked it to a fault, thanks to Mama Clara delivering piping hot eba timed to perfection. Thursday with Baba Sala was our nadir;  7 straight hours of back breaking, morale sapping, soul mortifying Engineering drawing made us prime candidates for a double dose of the Campus-famous eba and mixture that was Buka 12’s  specialty – first at 8.30am enroute DO2 and then by 4.30pm on the way back.

Fast forward, a few years and the unfortunate situation of my last 8-5+ (I typically closed by 7pm by which time the only eatery left in the jungle I worked was Mr Biggs) and the associated  late nights spent snacking on  coke, fried rice, and meatpies turned my stomach which could have morphed into a six-pack into a full featured keg!

Apparently almost every woman has or is having a crush on the Justin Timberlakes, David Beckhams and whoever is the next kid on the block with fantastic abs, so yours truly has decided to up his game. Thanks to The FatbusteRs, blogsville has a significantly sized sample which I can use to ascertain what the weight loss best practices are. Armed with my excel spreadsheets, properly primed with appropriate macros, I shall be the self appointed Simon Cowell of that show, meticulously  tracking performance and monitoring critical metrics to see which activities had the most input in delivering value for pain in the whole weight loss thing!

Perchance, I might still be able to rescue my six pack abs from the valley of the shadow of CocaCola!