My last post on soulmates came just about as close as it could get without being ultra personal.. Truth is I once thought I had a soulmate who I thought I had finally gotten over. Talking with someone over the weekend however rudely awakened me to the fact that I had not!
Di checked all my boxes – not just in a physical way. Warm and bubbly, super spiritual without coming across as obnoxious, intelligent, able to discuss on anything from calculus to zoology and with a really mature head on her shoulders, it looked like it was chemistry on steroids. Plus we were good friends for 20+ years….
Unfortunately we were on different timelines. I had a five year plan that had me getting my dream job at 22 and hooking up at 26. However a succession of ASUU strikes and my SUG President friend combined to throw my plans out of line- plus I had a wee bit of doubt and played all kinds of scenarios in my mind (RocNaija called it analysis paralysis). Long and short, I didn’t commit and after hanging on for moi – she was snapped up by another dude. I reacted like a petulant teenager — morose for several weeks (was on vacation at the time), started my first anger filled blog (which i eventually deleted), cut off all communication, and basically tried to forget it. It hurt too that I got to hear by a YahooIM!
Until this weekend though I believed I had lived it down, until I was forced to remember it all again… Walking through the issues in my head, I’ve finally realized that I didn’t have a divine right to her heart and if i didn’t commit she was very free to move on…Finally I can say I’ve truly forgotten it..I still do not intend to get chuumy though… Better to be safe than sorry as they say!
Personally, I think there are several people we can connect with on multiple levels — not just one….And how well we connect depends on how much effort we are willing to put into it to make it work…….
Edit: LoloBloggs has a different slant on why dudes fail to commit…… Read it here…. Thanks for sharing…
50 thoughts on “Finally.. The Truth about Di….”
FIRST!!! to baptize ur wordpress blog!
*sigh* I have a soul mate too….trying/not trying to get over him….dont know if I'll be successful…or if i even want to be successful….ok, im done
Sucks that you were dulling when someone got to her first
@bumight.. LOL.. First ever commenter…. Nice
@Nice Anon – Sucks yes.. but I'm well and truly over it this time…….
Hey Danny B! what made u move?
Anyway, it's a shame that Di slipped out of your hands. The way i see it- it wasnt meant to be. I'm sure you'll meet someone just as great or if not better. 🙂
oh no!….now, you are going to give ladies hard time and feel justified about it. Was it meant to be? I am not sure. But, I know its not going to be easy to forget her just like that, and without even knowing it, her action is going to have effect on your decision regarding the fairer sex.
I am with you on the last paragraph…..my sentiments exactly
i cant help wondering why she didnt wait if she truly loved u..but truthfully, i cant say what i wud have done if i were in her shoes..
as tigeress said, it probably just wasnt meant to be..
ok, i just read the post again and saw the bit about u not wanting to commit..i guess that justifies the whole thing to some extent..
uh, is there a teeny weeny chance u cud fight to get her back??
gosh, im such a hopless romantic!
(sigh) thats so romantic. Pysch! lol. no really, it is romantic. well, some people say it is better to feel love and let it go than not to feel it at all but i don't know which is true considering the fact that i have never been in love. and yes, i am older than 20. lol. so, at least you had her for a while and who knows, my mama always says that what is your own will be your own. so, who knows?
Aww, thanks for getting 'personal' with us. I think the most important part of this story is that you've (now) moved on for good. I'm a firm believer that you don't want someone who doesn't want you (or who did want you but has now moved on). It makes me feel better somehow when I look at it that way. But even believing that doesn't mean that you don't have to deal with the feelings involved and doing what you have to do to move on in a way that has you growing from the experience and taking the time needed to deal with it 'healthily'.
(Ok, I'm thrilled that you're on WordPress because I sort of think it's the best thing out there. Next step is your own domain!)
Hmmmmmmm! Danny I WANT WORDPRESS!
Oh Love, this is so SAD. Perhaps you could fight for her. But if you are truly over it (I dont think so…I sense something) then there will be others. Keep your heart open.
@Tigress — Had been considering moving for a while.. My ultra nosy lil cousin found me out.. So I had to shift. If she could find me out, then a whole of other peeps have done so too…… Plus the ability to selectively lock off individual posts was the clincher….Yeah.. real shame — talk about real sleeping on my feet!
@naijagirl — I'd actual underestimated the extent of the impact…. Only my little talk this weekend brougth sharply into foucs the fact that I still had stuff from it I needed to resolve….
@buttercup — *hanging my head in shame* guess I allowed myself be ruled by a spreadsheet — and I didn't commit.. So I really had given her nothing to hold on to….and she's married with two kids now….
@bibi — lol.. only in this instance she's married — which was part of why i cut off contact in the first place…..This weekend was the first time we'd spoken in close to a year and a half I think, even tho I still got to hear gist since I knew all her peeps and she knew mine..
@GoodNaijaGirl — I'm so loving the WordPress experience meself too….LOL..Guess dealing with the feelings was quite a journey — tried to forget, then raged about it, succeeded in keeping it below the surface until this weekend. I think I can truly say I'm over it now.. Cos I spoke with them (she and her husband) this weekend without any feelings of animosity whatsoever…I really will consider a custom domain tho.. If I have something more serious to say that is.. Who knows, might be blogging till I'm 70 at this rate!
@Temite — LOL… WordPress rocks (so far). She's married now — so all thoghts of fighting for her have been chucked aside… This weekend ws about coming to terms with the fact that I failed to take responsibility, and that I needed to move on..
Thanks peeps for stopping by.. You all rock!
oh shit..married..with kids..dang..
im so loving this new joint…… may also take ur advice and follow u… sorry about Di…. oh well u cant really blame her, u were wasting time…. im sure u'd find someone who u would feel that connection with… hmm maybe me? no?…lol
thnx for stopping by my blog.
a factual case of "u dnt know wat u have until u loose it".
Funny thing, was talking to a friend abt how there aint no special someone for everyone…You meet someone, and decide if the person is worth d effort, or if u want to make the person ur special someone bearing in mind that it has to be mutual..
@buttercup.. Yeah… married with kids now.. so its definitely off limits these days..
@funms-the rebirth… Yeah.. you should consider it… This post is one of dem ones that I 'm so going to lock off eventually……I'm sure I'll eventually find someone like that again…I think I needed to come to terms with this first anyways, cos I think I had begun to objectify her as the gold standard of women…. err…. thought the hot doug had top honors there? lol….
@Just Toluwa — Yeah have to agree completely….And the effort thing is so true… Thanks for stopping by…
groan @bumight. I know what you mean. I haven't gotten over my "soulmate" and it's been what?, wow, it's actually been 7years. I cherish that memory yet I have been able to connect with some other great people.
@poeticallytinted — guess we all have to move on at some stage anyways…..Hopefully this translates to meeting the requirements for the honest scrap award!
i totally feel u, u know… had my chance too, maybe two chances and we both messe it up. thoughi still wonder if anythin cld be that near perfect, i blv somwia in my heart that there will be another. my reasoning is simple, God is not unfair. He wont give u a tsste of it only for u to lose it and never hav it back. It will be again. So i agree with u, danny, there are other ppl, mayb not lots lik dat, that u can connect with on that level.
btw, i wnt my own wordpress too!
I don't know about soul mates man. I tend to be quite sceptical about the concept. What happens if she doesn't catch on as quickly as you? Does that mean you're stuck with second best. At the very least I think that a man can have many soul mates. But then what do I know eh?
Wise words you speak sir, wise words indeed! It is hard to get over someone and it will take longer than you think but it will happen!
Such is life hun…some people who we are always convinced should be hours sometimes get away from us. However everything happens for a reason….maybe your soul mate is coming!
"how well we connect depends on how much effort we are willing to put into it to make it work"
On soulmates, you have said it all; connecting depends on how much effort you are willing to put into the r'ship.
Sometimes you think you are over someone and then it all comes back.
I always find it annoying when guys who dont commit get angry when you end things with them.
The 'one' should combine time place and circumstance. Di was possibly close but might have only been the prelude to the one, so you don't make such a vital mistake when you finally meet her!
@yetunde — LOL.. Its a free world at wordpress I guess….I agree perfectly with you on being able to connect with several people…its only that sometimes we tend to hold on to nostalgic memories of the past rather than moving on..
@doug — Errr do I take it you've finally seen reason and let the real anonymous cowards stew in their own juice?
@CaramelD — Molte Grazie as my ficticious Itaiian forbears would say..
@wordmerchant — Thanks a lot…
@oluwadee — *hanging my head in shame* true dat..
@LoloBloggs — Yeah — guess so…. Thanks for stopping by..
I hear you on the holding on to the past thing and I hate to make it a boy girl thing, but guys tend to figure out they've missed the boat just when it's too late….not helping I know, but this situation validates a theory I have had for a long time! ….
Check out this post I did last year after a very annoying situation involving me… <a href="http://.http://oyininmylife.blogspot.com/2008/08/right-girl-wrong-timewrong-argument.html” target=”_blank”> <a href="http://.http://oyininmylife.blogspot.com/2008/08/right-girl-wrong-timewrong-argument.html” target=”_blank”> <a href="http://.http://oyininmylife.blogspot.com/2008/08/right-girl-wrong-timewrong-argument.html” target=”_blank”>.http://oyininmylife.blogspot.com/2008/08/right-girl-wrong-timewrong-argument.html
@LoloBloggs — *Cringing* that hit very very close to home……. Thanks for sharing…
You'll find someone like that again….
I tell men all the time, there are plenty of men lined up waiting to take your good woman.
Lesson learned, right?
Wow, married with 2 kids. I caught that in the comment replies…it is what it is. I don't believe that there is one soulmate out there for me..(Never ran into any of them/never been in love either) but yah I think there will be more than 1. I just need to find them, wherever they are lurking…if I even find them at all.
awww…I dunno if i have a soulmate sha..
but I kno i have someone hu understands me in my imperfect way and I do thsame for him…soulmate or not?
Nice to kno u moved on tho…I kno it can be hard but guess wat?
u did it!
So I take it you don't believe in the "man proposes, God disposes" mantra..
Thanks for the shout-out!
Nice one bro!
@Kitten — well learned i'd say…
@original mgbeke — i agree that there's more than one…
@Gee — Guess as long as most of the boxes are checked.. that's fine
@RocNaija — LOL — No issues….
@RocNaija — Well, I'd say I believed it – with some qualifications……LOL
She wasn't the 'One'
@Dabizniz — LOL.. Doubt if the One is singular or a family of similar 'objects' that cross parts with us…..
I don't believe in 'The One'..
Home is where you make it..
'The One' is whom you make it..
I've found the inspiration to comment again, hope it doesnt disappear this time o! so here goes:
Aww…..your story is so touching…it brings a tear to my eye….
Moving on swiftly…I dont believe in "the one". Believing there's one person and ONLY that person whom God created for you would mean that, a) if a perosn is in an abusive relationship, they would not be able to leave bcos they believe such an abuser is "the one" from God. It's hard enough for victims of abusive r/ships cos they are sometimes in denial; they keep hoping it will end or will continue to convince themselves that they love such a person or that person loves them but might not know how to show it. I agree with the person who said " home is where you make it…..". "the one" is whom you make them to be.
b) as very good friend of mine who is also of this school of thought also says, what if a person's husband/wife dies, does that mean that person is banished to an eternal damnation of lonliness bcos "the one" is no more?
Some others who may have gone through the same experience as you have may absolutely refuse to move on in life bcos their "the one" has moved on to someone else. (But I'm sure you dont fall into this category. lol). Or even worse, they decide to wait till that person finally realises that they are meant to be with them, even when the person is married! I actually was told of a lady who's still waiting for her husbnd, who in our own world (cos she's in "la-la / cockoo world) is happily married.
Here's my one pence on what you went through with Di, I think you should try to deal with the heart ache/hurt now, cos when you find someone else, it might be difficult then. You thought you had dealt with it until it crept up on you from nowhere. But I'm sure you'll find some one who'd make you happy and vice versa- I've actually heard of people who actually grow up and get married and have kids and never even remember the name of the person/people who broke their heart. Impossible as it may have seemed when they were still going through it.
I think this is my longest comment ever on your blog! sorry for boring you sha….I guess this is the depth of my inspiration today. LOL
@RocNaija — Yah u're right man…. Its all about choosing to make it work…
@BBG — Obviously it didn't get lost this time! Thanks…..There are so many obvious flaws in the One-Guy-One – Girl Soulmate theory — one of which you've pointed out. It also doesn't make sense statistically (with the disparities in the numbers of guys and girls). I do think I've well and truly moved on now tho… Never had the emotional strength to talk about it before….Really inspired comment I'd say.. Definitely not boring……
Oh no!!! wel,you truly wouldnt believe that I totally understand with you but I do……..
Now,hav you got want you want? do you really believe that your soulmate is gone???/
all d issues that come wt love… there's no judging a person's reasons 4 leavin, not waitin nd all that
Roc….now i see why your attitude towards women is centered on rubbing minds…you are soooo cynical
Danny, dont let him scare yu away from "love"
@Farida — LOL…. Guess I'm now more pragmatic about it…..The whole one person-one-soulmate-live happily ever after ish was sold to us by hollywood. The real world is about knuckling down and doing what you have to do i think
@rayo — true dat……
@naijagirl — kind of agree with roc no this one too…there seems to me to be some form of intentional action required…..
hmmm…this word press is ok…
Eh yaa, danny..i have been down this road. What haven't we seen /done cos of love?
I guess you were not really ready to commit, then. Maybe it would have been disastrous if you forced yourself to commit before your time. If you have not seen that person you will spend your life with, not to worry, you will…
@dante — LOL…. Guess i wasn't.. Was good overall tho.. cos she's made good progress with her life and I think I'm making progress too….
Shakespeare once said, "All love stories end with a tear and a journey".
May your Journey be towards the your EXACT HALF.i once wrote that this is how i see things: God made ONE WHOLE person split it into individuals, and for you to find out WHO your other half is, you only have to look at how YOU are like.. i dont know if it makes sense.. but i believe in soul mates.. soul twins.
Hey, thanx for stopping by and i love ur new world.
can't say she wasnt the one or that it wasnt meant to be, sometimes u men just fail to commit on time or get carried away by all the love and attention and think she's gonna be there forever or that she'd never have the guts to leave. u probably didnt fight for her…… but thats over now, as u have moved on (one way or the other). hope this will teach some of ur mates the required lesson.
i do want to believe "soulmates" exist, havent found mine yet, but i am hoping someday very soon, he'll find me.
Have a wonderful experience at wordpress.
The commitment issue is really a deal breaker…
Hopefully,you'd find someone special sometime…..
Glad you're able to talk about it..
@Jabez — Well.. wish i could agree completely but i really can't I think there's more than one person we can connect to.. and its all about the amount of effort that we put in to make it work… Granted it might be easier for someone versus others, but work is still required… Thx for stopping by.
@Omotee — Thx….Hopefully, he'll find you soon….. Or he'll put in the required effort to finnd and keep you!
@Rose — Hey welcome back! Yeah, I'm over it now….Trust your preps for exams are going great!