3 years on.. The Journey…

Today marks the 3rd anniversary of my first ever blog post. What started off as an anger induced journey on my old blog-city blog(which was deleted when blog-city stopped being free)in 2006 has since evolved into a more serene take on life and the attendant twists and turns it brings to the random thoughts of a weird 9ja dude. To celebrate, I’ve decided upon due consultation, to hold a Blogference – a la Vera, where I get to answer any questions you care to ask. Whilst I cannot guarantee an answer to any and every question, I will do my best to provide an answer within the confines of two conditions – that the answers do not compromise my already tenuous grip on anonymity nor will they require me to compromise any other person’s anonymity. I expect to be able to do a post on the 29th of April (when my first extant blogger post was posted) to answer them. Questions may be asked via comments to this post or by email to raz9ijaboi@yahoo.co.uk .

Special shout-outs for the following peeps for making a difference by doing their thing.

CalabarGal : My first ever commenter on my now defunct drjax blog – she’s since quit blogging actively.

Miss Opeke: My blogger ‘mentor’…You’ve still not suceeded in making me a Rascal Flats fan. I hope you kept an XML of your old blog, cos if it all went down like that its a real big shame!

Lolar’s Blog – the first and only person I succeeded in convincing of the therapeutic effects of blogging…She’s also since turned tail and fled.

ButterCup of the sweet and fiery duo — My first ever serial commenter. Its not for nothing that you did sit atop my list at the old place. And you do make sense…Believe me!

Hot Doug —The consumate ‘belcher’. Plus we share a love for C.S. Lewis, Charles Dickens and some other things. The only snag is he has refused to do a DB through my bespectacled eyes post – now that would be perfect.

Naughty Eyes – who tagged me for my first ever meme…. You’ll never know how getting to do that meme told me I’d finally belonged! Err the current slew of Memes on my inbox will have to be tackled in future. Can’t keep up with them now…

ChxtaBee & Madam SSD’s Nigerian Curiousity Blog: Whose different take on life and politics almost changed the way I view the world.. Still an armchair politician but you peeps rock.

Dabizniz – Thanks for sharing your story – You modelled for me in real terms how men need to get on with life – Knuckle down and do what needs to be done – palatable or not!

Funms – the rebirth – The forthright way you blog about your Journey reminds me of my littlest sister (I don’t mean you’re little o) … Keep sharing the journey….Trust me it will count for something in the end..

Jaycee/TERC /BBG/Rita/Chi-Chi/Debbie/Remi: I read these blogs sometimes I feel as though God parted the curtains and spoke to me.  If we could get y’all to update on successive days, we’d not need any devotionals!.

Big Sis Neffie’ – LOL…. U make sense in your own way.. That’s all I’ll say on that…And I did have to read this post thrice. Not sure I understood it eventually! Now if you could replace that ‘annoying little brother DB’ moniker with something less irksome, that would be perfect. Thank you very much.

Vera – for bringing rib cracking humor every three days.. awesome! Err I hear Verastic is the mumu version of Vera?

GoodnaijaGirl – I’ve learnt to also laugh at myself – Priceless.

Confessions – Even a shrink needs a shrink. And you delivered. Thanks.

To all the organizers of the NBA09 awards — you guys rock, for everyone who nominated me, thanks.. You convinced me blogging made sense.

And to the whole bunch of newer e-friends that I have made, if I listed each of you i’d simply have to rehash the entire list from the NBA awards page! You’ve made blogging a full 2 hour a day job! I wonder how I’d keep up when I get my day job back!

To the anonymous readers – Dee & Mimz  – and the others I don’t know – like the dude from Upsala, thanks for stopping by my world.. but hey show some love by commenting aight?

P.S. I’ve asked a number of the newer peeps I read to do one post on here in the spirit of supporting newbies. PLEASE show them some love when they do!!!

7 random quotes… and 2 songs……

1. That a mad man decides to dance naked does not mean that sane men should beat the drums  ~ West African proverb.

2.Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. ~ Viktor Frankl

3. Never give in. Never, never, never, never — in nothing, great or small, large or petty — never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. ~ Winston Churchill

4. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment ~Mohanadas Ghandhi

5. It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters. ~Mother Teresa

6. The Kingdom of Heaven is not for the well-meaning: it is for the desperate. ~ James Denney

7. Dear God, get me out of here: let me go somewhere else where I can fight the evil which surrounds me here and which I am forbidden to fight -but do not take from me my anger my indignation at injustice so that I may continue to burn to right it or destroy. ~ Dennis Brutus

The songs: TobyMac’s Irene and Casting Crown’s –Does anybody hear her

Think Truly, Collaborate globally and contribute locally.

On being so predictable….

“You really are so predictable”, she said,
One hazy African harmattan day
Remiss for words, all I could do was peer,
Through horn rimmed glasses; hand me downs they were
From father, who had it from his father, my grandfather.
A legacy of Lugard’s Nigeria.

You see I’m from another time,
An age when email was not the norm,
When people talked at the village square.
And drank and sang, and danced till their feet were sore.
And fathers, spoke with sons, as did their very own fathers..
A legacy of years gone by

Spontaneity, pray tell me what that is,
Is it a hundred tweets saying “I love you”,
Or two hundred facebook pokes a day,
Or is it more like thoughtful gifts, special times
Spent dancing in the sun?

To Zoe…….

I wonder why I lose my cool,
When your pretty face I see.
I wonder why my heartbeats increase,
And why I just act like a fool.

I’m usually as cold as a tool,
As steady as Polaris keel.
I, whose composure is a well honed skill,
Have suddenly begun to drool.

I want to hold your hand someday,
Walk you home, through thick and thin,
Tell tales of love that leave me flustered.

I want to spend my best of days,
Being there for you, knowing you’re there for me,
Building together a monument of love…..

The GbomoGbomo Chronicles……..

Just Toluwa claims to think in her language which I’d assume is Yoruba.  I, Akpenvwoghene DB, think in Pidign English;  not the rarified widely intelligbile variant as spoken by the Fine boy Agbero but the razz, crass variant, spoken in the creeks of the Niger delta where my progenitors trace their ancenstry to. A number of people have cast aspersions on my Pidgin English abilities, as well as the appropriateness or otherwise of my raz9ijaboi moniker. This should put an end to it forever! Enjoy

Storwwe, storwee, storwee. Once upon a time, time time,

I gats give thanksgiving o. For wetin Baba God do for me one day like dat when I still Univeristy o.  One time like that, wen we dey 400 levels,  we come dey hustle IT for oye kompini .  Dem come talk say make we collect letter from school, go give the kompini, wether dem go fit find one koro make we for pam do the thing.

Me sef follow go kollet letter o. No be im as I come dey pass one ogbonge market like that one raz bobo come generally try bracket me (make I call am YeyeFowl). Im kom talk ‘ascuse me’ for wetin be like frensh. U no say as korrect bobo now, meself dey form say I code. Im come bring one tashere paper comot, come dey try ask wether i know one road like that.

Bobs, as I check the paper ehn, me no know the road o… I come tell the guy say I no know o.. As I come wan waka commot, na im one other yellow pawpapw paddi (YPP) come form bracketing the two both of us o.. Me never even still code wetin dey happen.   Im come dey form some kain yarnz with Yeyefowl.  Me just dey, dey look like lucozade, boya na jaxzz dem use take kolobi me sef me no know again.  On a nomal level ehn, I suppose don jar tey. As dem come yarn finish YPP come tell me say Yeyefowl been bring things from Cameroun for one Alhaji Yaguda like that.  But as the goods show, Alhaji no come get the moni so na to hail the goods come remain.  Im come talk say make we go where dem hide the goods, make I see CD, TV, radio all those kain electronis dem. As dem mention CD, me self don begin dream na, how Stella wey dey carry nose for me before, go come know say I get CD player for ma room for off camp.

As we reach the place, YeyeFowl come talk say the paddi wey get the key no dey. But make we generally drink salt and water take seal the runs. If you see swear wey we swear that day ehn, even our enemy head no go fit collect am finish o.  Me, a whole Akpenvwoghene follow drink o…Last last dem come talk say we gats bring money, all man come talk how muh dem go fit fit bring.  Me wey jus’  hustle get one oye kompini scholarship like that from my mama village racket come talk say I go bring 50k… Feefty K for the year 2000 no be mai mai moni o…

No long tin, dem come talk say, make all man go hustle the moni come, say we go block for that same joint the next monday come divide the goods.  God wey save me be say by that time the jazz don dey finish sha, so as sharp man concine, me come dey talk say I fr like reach town go collect moni form one uncle like that, but say i go bring the 50k for Monday.  As I just jejely comot, I run enter bus sharply go my papa house go sleep gently o…

Ma people, na so gboogbomo for gbab me for my own town o, sake of say I wan collect CD player because of Stella. E ba mi ki Alleluia!

For the uninitiated:     I was on campus trying to secure an internship placement at an IOC. On my way back with the letter, I passed by a busy market, where some scammers tried to rip me off by offering me a cheap CD player and then a share of profits of the sale of the remaining goods. I managed to escape eventually without parting with any significant amounts.  Hence the ‘testimony’


A poem….. and an unusual source of inspiration..

Good Naija Girl posted a poem about (I think) some dudes’ overbloated impression of the effect they have on women folk….Fortunately or unfortunately, I fell headlong into the trap…. Some background: My eminently royal ‘wowo’ness was strolling ‘jejely’ on the road yesterday o, when my eyes locked with some snazzy babe across the road.. Evidently she was as suprised as me, cos the books she was carrying slipped from her grasp…. Like all peeps ‘hounded’ by an overactive imagination, I went ahead to invent a different scenario in my head, that had me being a super cool, unsettling influence..I even gave her a name…. Enjoy…

For Chloe…
Across the road our eyes did meet,
That sweltering, sun splashed day in March.
Did time stand still on Bloomsbury street
As I stepped out of Thistle’s arch?

I don’t know how it made you feel,
I know I felt like time stood still.
My palms went wet, heart beat increased
As though I’d just run up a hill.

You spilled your books, splashed them about,
Your regal pose seemed to all but melt.
A cold sweat seemed to drape your brow,
But did you feel what I just felt?

I rushed across the street to help,
‘I would have none of it’ you said.
A hammer blow never more keenly felt,
I straightened up to let you be.

Your knees seemed weak, your hands they shook,
As you straightened up from the dirt,
Your eyes, they danced, you gave me that look,
Or was I just imagining things?

The curious case of my not so idiopathic insomnia and two memes

honestscrap

Its almost 2am and I can’t sleep… Some dude got me mightily worked up this evening and my vexation almost  knew no bounds.. That prompted me to spew my shortlived rant, which I’ve thankfully deleted.  Sowwrry for over exciting you over nothing. I’m over it now anyways…Since I am awake, I might as well do these memes that have been hanging over my head for a whiles now.. First off Naijababe tagged me in February and then both Tigress and Poeticallytinted tagged me with the honest scrap award fairly recently. Since Naijababe’s list is lonnger than 10 items, i will take that as a neccesary and sufficient condition to claim the honesty award! Here goes…

I have unilaterally decided not to tag anyone.. Cos all these memes are sthng else! Errr… the first seven people to read are tagged!

Where’s ur cell phone? – On my table
Where’s ur significant other? – Dunno? Missing? Still looking – Take yr pick!
Your hair colour? – Kwashiokor brown from eating too much sphagetti and too little beans!
Your mother? – Asleep of course!
Your father? -Ditto
Your favorite things:  My HTC TYTN II
Your dream last night? Too serious to dream
Your dream goal? Pipeline Technical Authority at an oil major by 2015
The room you’re in? The absurdly tiny campus room that costs more than my my entire house in 9ja. Mscheeew
Your hobby? Football Manager on my lappie, Shakespeare and stalking blogs
Where u wanna be in six years? Houston, Texas or Calgary, Alberta
Where were you last night? In my bed of course!
What you’re not? Snobbish
One of your wish list items: A certified akara maker!
Where you grew up? Somewhere in the jungles of the NigerDelta
Last thing you did? : Send an email
What are you wearing? –Errr u don’t want to know.. Trust me..
Your pet: None.
Your computer? Dell Inspirion D620
Your mood: Sober, Slightly pensive
Your car? Sold
Something you’re not wearing? A facecap
Favorite store? Primark — Cheap I know.. but functional…
Your summer? Dunno
Love someone? I think so…
Your favorite colour? Sky blue — of the Manchester City football club home strip ilk and Red – YNWA
Last time you laughed? Over lunch
Last time you cried? 12 March 2009, before then sometime in 2003
Are you a bitch? Obviously doesn’t apply
Favorite pastime: Shakespeare + a tall glass of milk + a pack of tortilla chips – heavenly
Hater or lover: Depends on the context
Genuine or fake: Genuine — Typically
Any vices? – Caring too much abt peoples feeling to my own detriment sometimes
Pro life or wire hanger: Depends on the context!
Mccain or Obama: Err.. any of them on the PDP platform?
Pro-plastic or natural: Dunno.. Update (due to popular demand) ne pas être dans de nombreuses situations où j’ai eu à choisir
Dream job? Chilling on my yatch somewhere in the Carribean

As I have already done the 25 things and the 2 truths 1  lie memes I’ll just leave it at that….

Reflecting….. Three Ideas for Life

Over the past few days, the transience of life has been brought very forcibly to the forefront of my mind.  Maybe it’s the new streak of grey in my beard, or the news of yet another young acquaintance who is no more, or it’s the startling realization that the kids who were born the year I completed undergrad study are all knocking on the door of their teenage years…. The various random thoughts coursing daily through my head have agglomerated around three key concepts – Cogitation, Connection and Contribution.

Every system has its laws, its rules of engagement if you like, that govern the interactions between the elements thereof. Classical mechanics obeys Newton’s Laws of motion, planetary motion accedes to Kepler’s laws and Computational fluid dynamics agrees with the Navier-Stokes equations. Life, also has laws that govern it – sowing and reaping, absolute standards of good and evil and the like. The difference between a rigid body and a human being is the power to choose. To achieve long term success in life, we need to identify these laws (by deeply pondering them) and choose to align with them. Consider the first idea for life as an invitation to cogitate on the axioms of life.

Whilst each life is different in its specifics, the same basic issues crop up – relationships, careers, hurts in the past, trepidation about the future and the like. I would aver, that no matter how complex a situation appears to be, it is amenable to the relentless massaging that breaks it up into manageable bits. Consider the second idea for life as an invite to collaborate globally.  Read books, talk to people, use the internet.  It is more likely than not someone somewhere has had the same or similar issue and you can glean ideas to help you tide over your own specific situation.

We live in a real world – specific people that we see and relate to. Consider the third idea as an invitation to contribute locally. Each experience we go through adds to or subtracts from us – knowledge, toughness and possibly the ability to empathize with someone else in our real worlds. We need to contribute to the lives in our world as opportunties present themselves. We do not need to wait for the mega outreach to an impoverished African country to make a difference. Do it for the person next door who is hurting. As you learn by doing it on a small scale, opportunties for larger scale contributions will come.

May I offer you a tagline: Think Truly, Collaborate globally and contribute locally.

On this day that Jade Goody passed on, David’s prayer in Psalm 90:12 reverberates in my head.

So teach us to number our days, that we might apply our heart to wisdom…..

Classified… Certified e-Akara maker required

Err… so all in one week – I grilled chicken to dryness and almost set off fire alarms, my diet has consisted only of spaghetti, chicken and chips, I woke up today craving/lusting for piping hot akara, and my mum has been on my case. So I am putting out a classified ad for a certified akara maker. Enjoy

Job Title: Certified e-Akara Maker
Req ID: JustDB-09-20/2011
Category: Multiple
Location: StuckVille, Limboland

Role Synopsis: A need for a Certified Akara maker has arisen at DB & Associates. Conventional wisdom suggests that the way to any client’s heart is the stomach. It is thus imperative that this position be filled on priority.

This position will involve the unearthing of rare culinary delights to complement the standard Nigerian suitcase of pap and akara, amala and ewedu, pounded yam, beans and dodo amongst others. This is anticipated to include extensive research work to source and ultimately verify in full scale tests, the suitability or otherwise of items to complement the basic suitcase offered. The role will require regular interaction with other members of the industry and will involve the adoption of best practices to ensure that consistently high levels of performance are maintained at all times.

Key Accountabilities:

  • Provide timely servings of aforementioned culinary delights as per agreed time lines and also upon demand provided a mutually agreed ‘minimum time to delivery’ is provided.
  • Provide ‘chew-chew’ on Saturday afternoons while football watching is ongoing as well as samples while the main items are being ‘cured’ to elicit feedback.
  • Manage Project expenditure within mutually agreed limits as bench marked against industry best practices.
  • Ensure project architecture is consistent with size and scale and takes into account the activities of ‘mini-me’s
  • Offer measured opinions on everything from apoplexy to zoology, be able to engage client on issues. Listen to complaints from Project Manager and provide considered advice on the way forward.
  • Accompany Project Manager on meetings with National operators and support claims with data to refute any frivolous arguments.
  • Offer complementary massages (and any other services required) as needed.

Essential criteria and qualifications:

  • Demonstrable evidence of Project Management skills NOT acquired in a live role
  • Culinary skills, or the ability to acquire them at short notice greater than 9.55 on the Gordon Ramsay
  • Project architecture skills greater than 8.75 on the Martha Stewart scale
  • Eye candy potential greater than 9.99 on the Halle Berry scale
  • Sufficient knowledge of football to be able to recognize Liverpool shirts as opposed to Man Utd or  Arsenal shirts.
  • Teamwork and interpersonal skills.
  • Emotional intelligence sufficient to detect subtle shades of moroseness and apply TLC to resolve them.
  • Dwarfs and Midgets need not apply.

Relocation available: Yes and desired.
Travel required: Yes, depending on initial location of successful applicant.
Is this a part time position: No
Renumeration: Competitive at start, performance- based for the duration of contract and indexed to the relevant industry benchmarks.
Projected Start Date: Pre-screening and field trials for successful candidates will commence in September 2009. It is anticipated that the full role will be awarded in time to commence 4Q2011.

Apply Within…

The Fear of Google……

If the internet made information globally available, Google made it accessible…A few weeks back, someone ‘googled’ my real name and could have been able to piece together a considerable amount of my history – stuff like my secondary school and the year I left, my University, my father’s name and some of the work he’s done, my work history, comments I’d made on some blogs in my real name and some stuff I was rightly ashamed to be associated with – like the mug shot i uploaded to the Liverpool website’s worldwide fan database!

That got me thinking about the stuff I do online and just how, when I decide to go head to head with Hot Doug for the Nigerian Presidency in 2023, some smart kid could pull off stuff from Google to knock me out of the race. Now in addition to searching on Google, we can blog, read books, buy and sell, organize our own computers, travel the world, swap videos, organize, create and share documents, network on-line, store, share and edit pictures, talk and even pretend to be Italian business men from the comfort of our Ojuelegba boys quarters (with the connivance of Starcomms that is) for the ’19’ men! If stuff like Google Analytics can pull a lot of data about visitors to your site almost at an IP-based level, I wonder what the master database it is cross referencing can do… That’s a whole lot of power for one company to have methinks…….So I’ve started by deleting my Nigeria-Friends account, turned off the public listing I’ve got on Facebook, as well as deleted my PerfSpot and Hi5 accounts…. Wouldn’t want a boredom induced piece of indiscretion to cost me dear in future… Or maybe its all a part of life and we all just need to get on with it!

Ever ‘googled’ your real name? You just might find it therapeutic!

P.S. Thanks for all your thoughts on my last post… I REALLY am over it…..